Left to right- Fiona Payne, my Mum, as the fairy godmother, Natalie Wood as Cinderella (very well preformed, I must say!) And members of the Watchet community choir who provided harmonious vocals throughout the panto!
Nights out when you have Tourette's can be a bit of a palava. Before I've even agreed to go somewhere, I run a list of mental checks, how far away is it? Will there be a lot of people? What 'type' of people will be there? How long is it? Are there plenty of discreet exits? The list goes on! Once I've agreed to go I then have to convince myself to go! All in all it can be a monumental fuss!
If the place is new I'll worry about being somewhere unfamiliar, if it's familiar I'll worry that something has changed!! On a good day these worries are just worries but on bad days they become crippling anxiety, real, intense anxiety that has the power to make me excuse myself from important events and (if I do go) tends to result in a panic attack, an attack that I, frustratingly enough, am very aware was the result of nothing more than a wayward thought!
Today was a good day. The sun has shone all day and my spirit, although shackled by the usual worries, has been high. It was the perfect day for a pantomime, in fact that's where I've just come home from!
"Cinderella Rockerfella" was a wonderful, uplifting adaptation of the Cinderella story written, co-directed and produced by Pete Stevenson, a local Watchet legend commonly known as "Pete the Poet". Pete lead the ensemble and audience with infectious enthusiasm and the whole production was a verified hit!
Cast members of all ages delighted the audience with wit and musicality through out the pantomime and each song was masterfully accompanied by Graham Kennedy and his fellow musicians. The whole cast were phenomenal, of course I have to give a shout out to my mother who played a larger than life, slightly alcoholic fairy Godmother surprisingly well for someone I've only ever seen drink once! And Tabitha, the most handsome prince Watchet has to offer! Many of the cast are people I would consider friends, which might make me a little biased, but everyone was so magnificent it's hard to pick one without listing everyone else, so I won't! It was a genuine delight to watch the wonderful weirdos of the Watchet community put on a show so psychedelicly smashing and flower power fueled that it had us questioning what was in the coffee! It was brilliant!
So as you can tell I rather liked this panto, but then I like most shows, so why write about this one? Well, I almost didn't watch this pantomime. We arrived slightly early and took our seats, the place began to fill up and the lights and noise were rapidly becoming too much. By the time my mum, dressed as a large pink fairy, glidded towards us I was beginning to panic. What if I ticced during the panto? It's a small room and everyone would hear it!? What if I ticced and bumped the person next to me, or tipped my drink over them? What if I told someone to get off? Or got stuck in the community hall toliet and caused a disruption? What if there was an armed murder and I couldn't hide because I have Tourette's?! What if margarine and butter are the same thing and we're being lied too??!
Okay, so it got a little ridiculous towards the end there, but you see my point?! Once I start panicing I can't stop, the more I panic the more ridiculous my thoughts get and I am well aware that the thoughts aren't even rational or relevant anymore but, I just can't stop! It was somewhere between butter and death that my mum interupted, she took me outside and diverted my thoughts and I was fine, anxious but not consumed by the thought of a dairy product Illuminati...
We decided to employ the 'announcement approach', a technique we've developed predominantly for meetings and train journeys, either I or another person with more authority makes an announcement pre-warning others of the hidden Touretter in their midst, thus giving me reassurance that I won't shock anyone and informing those around me not to panic if I do or say something odd! Pete kindly name dropped me at the beginning of the production which ment that I was unhindered by the fear of being a nuisance! True to form, the people of Watchet were more than accomodating and I ticced loudly and happily through the the panto! No one complained and my tics fell more into 'audience participation' than 'being a nuisance', in fact the audience's willingness to chant, clap and sing along at nearly every opportunity made it so much easier for me to enjoy the whole experience!
It sounds strange but 'letting my hair down' is not a luxury I can afford publicly. As soon as I loosen my grip, there is a chance that I might say something or do something hurtful and as such I am very cautious of allowing myself to completely relax in public. That being said, I was at least 87% relaxed this evening, which pretty impressive for a loud room full of strangers! So yet again, credit to the Watchet community for being awesome and for allowing me to live a normal(ish) life, it's a privilege many people like me don't have and I count myself lucky to live alongside you!
Oh, and incase you didn't see it here are some pictures of the production taken by Terry Walker!
Left to right: Emily Richards as the wicked Stepmother looking rather concerned with her daughters, Snotella, Jason Pearson, and Grotella, Ray Waterman.
Left to right: Protest Leader, Abigail Pentland, looking unfazed by the plans of the evil Erno, played by Chris Crockford
Left to right: The dippy hippy, Nell, played brilliantly by Becky Shaw, Natalie Wood, the now Princess Cinderella and her Prince, played by my little sister, Tabitha Payne