Recently I visited my Grandma who lives in Gloucester, which, as well as being 'the center of the universe', is where I spent the majority of my childhood.
Whilst visiting my Grandma I took Lawrence (the old ball and chain) to a few of the places I enjoyed. We took a walk up a hill near a Church I used to attend youth group at and got harassed by some horses. We wondered round the city center and visited family.
I know Gloucester relatively well (I've not lived there for a while) so I felt pretty confident navigating the city center with Lawrence. We spent quite a while there and we thoroughly enjoyed our visit.
On Sunday morning we attended church with my Grandma. Before we moved to Somerset I regularly attended this church with my family, I know a LOT of people in the church. I found that I was very nervous about the whole thing.
It's not that I was afraid of the congregation its just that, when I left Gloucester, my Tourette's had not been triggered. I've visited several times since 'the triggering' but my Tourette's has never been quite as loud and obvious as it is now. I was worried that people would be confused or annoyed by my tics.
When I got to the Church, I have to admit I was anxious. I pre-played several situations in my head, questions I might have to answer, looks I might get. I entered the Church ticing slightly, Lawrence was very supportive and so was my Grandma.
We chatted to several people and everyone seemed to be glad to see us, they are, after all, like a extended family. A few questions were asked (not nearly as many as I'd rehearsed) and the overall experience was pleasant. I was sort of confused, after days of overthinking I'd expected something far less pleasant.
It wasn't until after the service that it clicked. As a wave of relief came over me I realised, I'd focused so much on the slim chance that someone would make an off comment or that I'd be on the receiving end of a few funny looks that I'd made my self anxious and stressed for no reason what so ever.
It's a trap I fall in to often. I'm working on it. I think we all get a lot stressed over little things. I'm hope that, in time, with help, I'll be able to spot this trap soon and get better at being positive about new and familiar experiences!