Do you ever get that feeling, just before you drift off to sleep, like a sudden moment of pure motivation? Is it just me? And why, dear universe, can't I recreate that feeling when I need motivating?! I lie there and I plan. Here are somethings I usually plan in bed when I can't sleep and yet NEVER get round to....
Starting a new 'health' program (aka a diet with colourful food journals!)
Organising my room
Painting my room
Dying my hair
Going outside
Meals for the next week
Shopping lists
Poems
Blog post I'll never write
The list goes on but I shan't bore you with it. When I think about all my half started journals, rewriten plans and colourfully illustrated project outlines it reminds me of a part of me that I can't escape. Ocd.
In some ways my Ocd is a gift. I could present you with an easy to read, well thought out and practical plan for any event, I just can't run it! Obsession is cruel, and in my experience, never practical! I can't count the times when (quite selfishly) I've wished I was obsessed with something useful like tidying and not lists! I understand that ocd is a difficult condition and of course I wouldn't really want to be obsessed with, well anything, but lists? Come on!
Maybe it's my age? They say for 16 to 25 year olds life is hard! and then it continues to be hard but not quite as hormonal. Whatever it is I have less motivation than a sloth in slow-mo BUT I'm trying (very trying) to make a change.
I seem to be able to maintain a relatively balanced life style for a proximately a week before going back to my usual, slap dash, bodge it and run style of living.... I don't know why, I just do.
So what's the difference this time? Welp, I've run out of excuses.... For the past year I've been saying 'oh, I'll do that after my op' and now I've had my op... Well I have to do those things... I'm definitely a panicker so maybe I can panic my way to motivation?
So, I'm giving it a try... See you next week when I've fallen off the bandwagon!